Blessings Emerge in New Beginnings …
“The LORD bless thee, and keep thee. The LORD make His face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee. The LORD lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)
Admittedly, remembering to count my blessings some days is tough … but I am working on it. I am the very proud mom of an incredible twelve year old boy. I just never knew that he might be the only child I would ever have. As a child, I wanted lots of kids, because for me, being a mom was the best job ever.
So the day I found out I was pregnant, was the best day of my life. I remember the day vividly. It was October 17, 2000. The doctor told me the news that I had waited my whole life to hear. After a textbook pregnancy and delivery, I gave birth to a gorgeous 6lb 14oz baby boy. I was 24 at the time, and well on my way to fulfilling my dreams.
Unfortunately, life wasn’t going to cooperate. In April 2002, I suffered my first miscarriage. I was just barely suspecting pregnancy when it happened so it was okay. When I discovered I was pregnant again in Oct 2002, I was ecstatic. I told everyone, had my names picked out and was already shopping for my new bundle of joy.
However, I miscarried two days shy of 13 weeks. I was heartbroken to say the least. I couldn’t understand why God would take another baby from me. Why He would allow me to get pregnant if I was just going to lose my baby anyway. It took me a while to remember that I was already blessed with a little boy who was simply amazing.
I went back to thanking God for all the amazing things I had in my life. However, in May of 2003, I was pregnant again. I prayed every single day that this baby would make it to term. I thanked God for giving me another chance. Still, at nine weeks, I miscarried I can’t even begin to describe how I felt. By this time my friends and family were all having babies. Everyone, that is but me.
Needless to say, it took everything in me to be happy for them. But I did it because my pain was my pain and I wanted them to feel okay telling me all the happy details and to keep them in my life.
Unfortunately, in Oct 2003, the relationship I was in came to an end and I finally understood why God chose to keep my babies. He knew that I would never have left the relationship if I had two kids in tow. Indeed, it was His way of telling me that He had something better planned for me.
So in the midst of chaos, I thanked Him for every single thing that came my way. I was far from being a perfect Christian but I was working on it and indeed, one could easily say that I am still working on it … lol )
But He was right. Five years ago, I started dating my now husband and without a doubt, he is the second greatest thing to happen to me. (The first being my son.) Once I realized that my husband and I were going to be together forever, I started my baby dream again.
Unfortunately, I’m still trying to get pregnant but this time the experience is different. I am now able to give thanks for the numerous blessings I already have. I might not have the family I always dreamed of but I do have a whole family of darlings that I will love forever.
These kids have come into my life as children I babysit throughout the day. I love each and every one like they are my own. The only difference is that I get to give them back to their birth parents at the end of the day But these kids have taught me something that I would never have learned with a family of my own.
That is, the kids in my life don’t have to come from my body to be part of my family. These children just need to be in my heart. Over the years, twenty such darlings have been a part of my life. Each one holds a special spot in my heart. Each one has shown me what real love is in their unique individual way. In fact, each one has been a blessing from God in my life.
Now, I know that if it is God’s will for my life, my family will grow. But regardless of what happens in the days ahead, I will continue to thank Him for what He has given me — a beautiful home, an amazing husband, this incredible son of mine, an awesome family, wonderful friends AND each of those little blessings I call my babies. ❤