The Man Cold: In Sickness and In Health
“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” (III John 1:2)
You’ve all seen the commercials — the one where the husband is sick? Being the drama queen that beats all –because “he” the man has come down with the “man cold”. I’m not sure there is even a definition for it.
What I do know is that the “mom cold” is displayed very differently. Some might identify a mom cold in terms of responsibilities — as in still working, cleaning, and feeding the family — which ironically continues — while taking cold meds and running back and forth from whatever activities the kids have on the go. And in observing a mom cold, I also note that a mom with a mom cold rarely gets sympathy. It does not come with nap time. There is no reprieve for being grumpy, exhausted and sore.
Moreover, add a kid cold and things quickly become chaos. Certainly, the kid cold usually means twice as much work for mom. Hopefully the mom cold and kid cold do not happen at the same time. But as us moms know all too well, they usually run concurrently. A kid cold means the house is full of whiny clingy children. Mom will carry around the above child….if they are under the age of six because little kids NEED mom ALL THE TIME. If said child is over six, mom ends up at their beck and call. By this I mean — as the child whines from the couch, mom becomes the servant. “Get me this” or “No I want that” etc., — all while dad continues his normal routine.
The absolute worse thing that can possibly happen is that EVERYONE gets sick at the very same time.
But in this case, the man has a cold. And while Moms work double time when the kids are sick, the world must be ending when dad gets sick. Why do I say this?
Well, the man cold can be defined this way. A “man cold” is a debilitating condition causing a fully grown man to become as helpless as a newborn baby with colic … and possibly reflux. This condition lasts much longer than the mom cold or the kid cold. It starts at the first little sniffle and typically ends the day “after” the man is better. There is no cure for this affliction, unfortunately
And as if this isn’t enough, the man cold is always 100 times worse than mom’s cold — even when mom has to take $300 worth of prescriptions to get better and the man is good with Tylenol or Advil. Further, it makes no difference that he can’t taste his food. Mom still needs to cook his meals to his liking. Don’t ask to watch your tv shows when the man cold is in the home. Also know that if he has the remote and is sleeping on the couch, it’s still not okay to change the station. And don’t keep him waiting. For example, if you say you will be 10 minutes, be nine because otherwise his world might end and he will complain about that as well.
The side effects of the man cold can be characterized too. No one else is allowed to sit on the couch. Expect to pick up copious amounts of Kleenex that miss the garbage can. Yeah, some men with man colds are a lousy shot too! Don’t forget to listen to a fully capable grown man whine that he is tired. Also support him as he complains that his food just doesn’t taste right. Buy lots of orange juice to support his journey to good health but also make sure it has lots of pulp. How come? Because apparently, that no pulp stuff just isn’t right. Oh, and please get his mommy, another blanket and please please please, keep the kids in the house quiet.
Yes, in case you haven’t yet guessed, the man cold has hit my home. It has been a very long four days. In reality, I’m hoping it goes away soon, for the sanity of everyone in my house
“Worship the LORD your God, and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you …” (Exodus 23:25)