When The Tears Just Keep On Coming

“Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Today, I reached the end of my rope.  The very end.  My fingers grasping the last of the frayed edge kind of end.  I hate these days when there is not even one tiny bit of patience left.  The days where I wonder why I bother to try and ask God for mercy because I know I’m failing.  Today I didn’t just yell — I screamed.

Today, my son learned that sometimes mama throws temper tantrums.  Four years into this parenting thing, I broke down and cried.  My eyes still hurt from the amount of tears that poured out of my eyes.  It isn’t the first time I have cried buckets but it was the first time I wondered if I was gonna get back up again.

I travelled several hours last night on sheer ice.  I am positive there are grooves in my steering wheel from the drive.  My husband and I had checked the weather before I left Banff Alberta and I was sure that I would get home before the snow became heavy.  It didn’t work out that way though.  I had passed the last town on the highway already when suddenly, the snow came and the temperature dropped.

The snow was so heavy that my car was struggling to get up the hills. On the other side of the hill, I was praying mighty hard that God was sending His strongest angels to keep that car in line.  Every SUV I came across was in a ditch and the only vehicles on the road were the oil tankers and the jacked up 4×4 trucks.  Needless to say, I was terrified.

Going down a huge hill, my three year old starts telling me he needs to poop.  Well, that’s just great since there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to safely pull off anywhere. I already knew that there were no more pit stops along the way.  I calmly tell him to try and wait.  It did not work. Soon my car is filled with a very unpleasant odour.  He tells me he is sorry and I tell him that it is okay.  When one is driving in stormy weather with children, it happens plus the circumstance was not going to allow for any other option.

Finally, by the grace and goodness of God, we arrived safely home. I left the windows down to let the car air out.  Fast forward 10 hours. My husband is rushing out the door for work and discovers the windows are still rolled down.  They were forgotten halfway down – but now were still down in the midst of a snow storm.  He had no choice but to go on to work so this is how my day began.

Shovelling out my car, inside out and throwing car seat covers into the dryer to get them dry. Then it is off to the dentist. Yes, I took three toddlers with me to the dentist because when one has just moved to a new province, there is not always family or an easy babysitter nearby.  So we went to the dentist and waited.  Thankfully, we got in with a decent waiting time.

But the next hour was total misery.  There was no way the two year old was going to cooperate but I knew this going in. Fortunately, the four year old did great.  However, my every so picky, anti-social,don’t touch me three year old threw the world’s biggest melt down.  There was no way that he was going to let anybody near him.  It was here that I almost broke.  The reason for the dentist? I have a cavity that hurts and I needed to get these three little boys to settle so I could get it fixed.

However, this wasn’t going to happen.  The hygienist looked at me with what I reckon was a mixture of judgement and pity.  That made my eyes well up with tears.  We made it to the car before I started to cry. My tears began to flow and they didn’t stop until I was home.

Not all was lost. At that point, I received a text from my amazing sister in law, “What’s shakin!!  Christmas tree up yet?  How’s your day?”

Well, I’m sure she wasn’t expecting the answer I gave her.  She wasn’t expecting me to be at the end of my rope.  She wasn’t expecting the sadness and despair that was inherent in my text messages.  Thankfully, she did have the right answer though,

She wrote: “It is okay — we have all been there.  It will get better.”

I still shed a few tears but this time I was thanking the Lord for my wonderful family. On a day when I had reached the end in terms of patience — and sadly, didn’t even have the energy to pull myself up, Jesus sent someone to offer me a comfy seat (and a few laughs) until I could muster enough strength to carry on. Praise Jesus!

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