I’ve been thinking a lot lately… I have been thinking about family, friends, God, life and basically just examining what I am doing. Yes, I put God after family and friends because this writer isn’t perfect. He doesn’t always come first in my life even though He should.
In a particularly upsetting moment with my husband I asked him, “What will we have in 15 years when our last child leaves this house?” He didn’t have an answer and neither did I.
I have spent the last week contemplating this. I spend my days homeschooling my kids, my evenings making supper, cleaning the house and bring them to their activities and my nights are spent doing bedtime and then prepping for whatever tomorrow will bring. I don’t remember the last time I woke up and went to bed on the same day. It’s busy. It’s exhausting.
To add to it all, I am in a place where I know very few people and I have nobody that I could just drop in and share my burden. It can get lonely. It can be hard. If you have moved before you know how this feels.
So while I was wrapping up at a workshop the other night a lady I have come to know a bit, started having a conversation with me. Suddenly I realized I was pouring my heart and soul out to her. I was sharing my frustrations, my past, my future hopes and she didn’t even bat an eye. She’s a good woman. She’s a good Christian. She understands failure but most importantly she understands grace. She listened, even though it was way past her normal bed time.
I came home feeling refreshed. I knew that it was exactly what I needed… a connection. Someone to just listen.
So here I am. Broken and bare and wondering what I will have in 15 years from now. It was a wake up call to me and my husband. Before we moved from our home in Alberta things were so so good. We had an amazing support system, a great routine, and our family was happy. I miss that.
I wanted to write a blog that had a good ending. I usually try to turn them into the positive and share with you what God has done for me but I think it’s alright that I end this one like this because sometimes you are in this place. This place feels a little empty. But because I am a Christian, I know that Jesus has a plan for me. I know that my life has meaning and although I am not sure where to go from here, I know that He knows.
So I will keep searching. I will keep going. I will keep looking for His wisdom in everything I do because it is there and as long as I keep knocking, He will answer that door and everything will be better than I could have ever imagined.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you; For ever one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.